We know that most people don’t really seem to be chasing their dreams, right? I mean, most people I know are pretty content just going through the motions and following whatever the crowd says to follow. They go to school, get their special papers, and find work at a nine-to-five somewhere. Then, hopefully, they get married to a suitable mate, reproduce, and die. The End.
It’s not often I run into someone who is actively pursuing his or her dreams. And I think I may have figured out why…at least, partially why.
There’s this song I love by Florence + The Machine called “Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up).” In the chorus, there’s this line that never fails to stop me in my tracks: “This is a gift/It comes with a price.”
This is a gift.
It comes with a price.
What does that mean?
I’m afraid it means that if you chase what you really want, you have to give something up. Maybe something big. In my case, do you know what went on the altar? My relationship with my family, basically. Sure, I gave up the approval and acceptance of who-knows-how-many peers, but that doesn’t bother me. What bothers me is the fact that I am (according to my wonderful mother) “divorced from the family.” She won’t answer my phone calls, and neither will my little sisters. I’m not welcome home and I’m not invited to family get-togethers. Obviously this sucks a lot and is really horrible, and no, things haven’t gotten better as I’ve gotten older. Every time I think of my family back home, I get this little bitter knot in the pit of my stomach.
On my bookshelf is a picture of my two little sisters. I had to put it away because it hurt too much to look at them.
I quit school and
defied my parents to chase my dreams, and my family is the sacrifice I put on
the chopping block. I didn’t mean to (exactly) and I don’t regret it (not yet),
but it’s a pretty horrible sacrifice to make. And the worst part is…what if it’s
not worth it? What if all this blood and pain is for nothing, and I just fail?
What if my wings melt long before I get anywhere near the sun?
It’s a fear that has been bothering me. I do my best to ignore it. “This is a gift. It comes with a price.”
If you're trying to make your dreams come true, what are you giving up? What price have you paid?
I paid the price (I think). I just hope I’m done paying it. What’s more, I hope it’s worth it in the end.
