The Prison of False Dichotomies

Good evening, my ducklings. Today I want to talk about something that I have only been able to verbalize recently. I’ve been having thoughts about this for a while now, and I’ve been learning what I can, but it wasn’t until a week or so ago that I was able to sit down and express myself in a coherent manner.

We live in a society that often seeks for simplicity. Society likes labels; it wants them and needs them, because they make life simpler. It’s just so much easier to toss someone into a pre-defined set of stereotypes than it is to look at him or her as a wholly unique person. Why bother to get to know someone, when you can let society’s definitions and prejudices tell you everything you need to know? I’m going to use myself as an example here. Let me toss out some characteristics: gay, male, American, atheist. Now, what does society have to say about me?

Well, because I’m gay, that obviously means I love clubbing and Lady Gaga, and I watch Glee religiously. Oh, I also adore Broadway musicals. I bleed glitter and I attend every single gay pride event I can find.

 

Because I’m male, that must mean I like contact sports and that I’m not very “attuned” to my emotional/intuitive side. I instinctively know how to use power tools and I never cry. I probably won’t be as good a parent as a woman could be, but when I do assume the role, I’m gruff and rough-and-tumble, rather than gentle and nurturing.

I’m American. This means I think my country is the absolute best in the world and everything we do is always right. I’m ignorant of other countries’ traditions and culture, and I’m a loud, obnoxious tourist.

 
I’m an atheist. Clearly, I must be a depressed, over-intellectual nihilist with no hope for the future and no real reason to live. Since I don’t believe in a higher power that directs all human life, I’m probably so saddened and purposeless that I consider suicide on a daily basis. After all, it wouldn’t matter anyway, right?

(Sarcasm ends here. For the dimmer bulbs out there, the last four paragraphs are not intended to be taken seriously at all.)

See what I mean? Not a single thing I just wrote accurately describes me. And yet, these are all stereotypes that I (along with everyone else) face every single day, because society desires simplicity and uniformity. There’s just so much work and thinking that has to happen when a member of a certain group defies (or fails to meet) certain expectations…so, rather than put on our thinking caps and engage in critical reasoning, we just adjust our blinders a bit and carry on, continuing to lump people together into set categories without a second thought.

One way that society has trapped us into thinking this way is with false dichotomies: the notion that there are only two (usually extreme) options. Let me toss out some more examples. You’re either gay or straight. You’re a Republican or you’re a Democrat. And, as ludicrous as this may seem to you, you’re either a man or a woman.

Obviously, each dichotomy is a crock of bull. There is almost always a third option, or a fourth, or a seventh. You don’t have to be gay or straight: you can be bisexual, although, there are still people (even in the gay community) that claim bisexuality is “just a phase,” or “a ploy for attention.” You can also be asexual; that is, you have no sexual interest in anyone.

Now for the next false dichotomy: you don’t have to be either a Republican or a Democrat. Like, seriously! Who honestly thinks that everyone in our country can be neatly sorted into one of two categories? Maybe you’re libertarian! Maybe you’re an anarchist! Maybe you’re some other option that isn’t popular because it’s too complicated to consider! Come on, people. We’re a bit more complex than a two-party system, don’t you think?

The final false dichotomy may not seem false at all. But let’s take a second to think about it. First of all, how do you define “man” or “woman?” Does your definition rest solely on genitalia? Then what do you call someone who is born with both male and female organs? Does your definition only consider chromosomes? Then what do you call someone with an extra X or Y? Does your definition only account for gender roles and cultural norms? Then what do you call someone who has the outward appearance of a man but who has always felt like a woman, or vice versa? See what I’m saying? Things are quite a bit more complicated than society would have you think.

Let me tell you about a false dichotomy that has been bothering me lately. I run into this one a lot, which is the idea that you can either have a very successful entrepreneurial life, or you can be romantically fulfilled, but you can’t have it both ways. I don’t think this is true. Hell, I’m hoping desperately it’s a big fat lie! What a horrible thing to think: I can either be happy doing what I love, or I can be happy being in love, but I can’t do both. Well, let me tell you, I don’t see any reason why I can’t make money doing what I’m passionate about and also have a fulfilling life with loved ones.

Are there any false dichotomies that trap you? Are there any false dichotomies that you find hard to disprove? Share with me in the comments section!